Above: Kenya 2005
To start off: I really should have done this from the beginning. This colorful journey over the past 7 years that has led my husband and me to what seems like the edge of a sky-dive has been so amazing, God-Directed, and heart-breaking at times. I want to share the journey (though partly in retrospect) with all of you! This is a collection of blogs that illustrate our journey to become Foster and Adoptive Parents. Stay tuned for unadulterated racism from outsiders and the hilarious stories from Foster Care Classes-you won't regret it!
Disclaimer: Has it been easy to lay aside my own desire to have "our own" children and take in someone else's, hoping to graft them into our family? NO. Do I think I'm some kind of superhero because I am laying aside that desire? YES. LOL-NO! Of course not. Honestly, the true reason for this Blog Collection is this: to remind myself of what God has done and what He has said. This is my healing.
I will be posting a daily, or at the least weekly blog to journal the class experience-YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS IT-TRUST ME. If you've been having a hard time laughing lately, just click on the link to my blog and you won't regret it.
Many of you know the story in part, but to the unsuspecting person who stumbled upon this blog on in a state of depression and despair, this one's for you.
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How it began: God's Crazy Ideas
Before I met my husband in 2006, I had the heart of a missionary. I had the amazing opportunity to travel and saw things that changed me forever, and I remember solemnly swearing that I would never forget the desperation I witnessed; I promised God that I would be one to help to meet the world's needs. I even wrote myself a letter before I left the mission field and had my team leader send it to me 6 months later so that I could be reminded of my heart's desire, lest I'd already forgotten. Through these experiences, specifically in my travels to Kenya, I heard God calling me to adoption.
This picture paints me as some kind of spiritual giant, but I assure you, I AM NOT. I didn't run off into a field with fluffy white flowers and kittens and cuddle all of the parentless children in the world. I left the mission field and went to back to school, which I loathed with my whole being. For about 2 years it seemed like any kind of spiritually that had mustered itself up in me was sucked out by the Institution of "Higher Education". I didn't spend my days day-dreaming of adopting my ideal child. Instead though I did daydream seemingly hopelessly of having a chance meeting with my future husband(whom, by the way, I didn't know yet) and also indulged myself deep into an eating disorder which consumed my life for the majority of my college years. Sound like adoptive mom material?
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I was never a "baby-loving" woman. I didn't spend a lot of time with children, was not the kind of girl that just loved being around them. Frankly, I didn't understand them and I don't think most of them really liked me, so I just steered clear of the whole thing. When I was in the mission field I would often laugh to myself at how every place I ended up in, I'd be working with orphans. God has a funny way of planting His seeds-and oh, how I mean that.
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It was like a faint whisper that I couldn't certainly distinguish-like in those moments on Lake Victoria I could feel the seed being planted in me, deep, deep down. It was the strangest thing-to be very certain of what's to come, but to not yet have the desire, but to desire the desire...
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Not being a "baby-loving" woman, I didn't think that I would ever become pregnant. I didn't spend much time thinking about the subject since I wasn't even married yet or finished with school, but I always had a sneaking suspicion that God wanted me to adopt so badly, that He would go so far as to shut my womb to make it happen. It was just a little subconscious instinct that I had, but no Doctor's had ever confirmed anything of the sort. I tried to explain this to my family, that I planned to adopt my children someday, and they very obviously brushed it off as a mere whim.
Actually, here's a great story for you:
Recently my Grandmother asked me what I'd been up to lately. I hesitated at first, but then decided to respond with:
"Well, we're doing great! We're getting things ready for our final home visit tomorrow and then we'll be getting licensed to have children in the house!"
Her response: "Oh."
"Well, do you have any new recipes?"
This is what we've been dealing with lately. Your thoughts are most likely, "Well, they're just old school." Yes, this is true, but they're not your typical 85-year olds; they're with it-very with it. I want to excuse their behavior just as badly as you do, but let's face it, some people just suck.
But, you know what?
I'll tell you more in the next post! Thank you for reading Blog # 1.
